so very over it
You look healthy.
And by that I don’t mean you look fat.
I mean your face isn’t grey any more, the circles under your eyes aren’t so dark. Your lips aren’t cracked and dry and your hair isn’t thinning and brittle. I mean you seem more focused when I talk to you, You actually look at me and listen rather than being so unable to stay still or think about anything other than your illness that your eyes dart around the room and you nod manically the whole time I’m speaking. You seem calmer, stiller, quieter. You’re easier to have a joke with and you take things on board much more than you used to.
I mean you laugh now, you’re less serious. There’s life about you, it’s in your eyes and your smile, it’s in the way you speak and even in the way you go about your daily tasks.
You look healthy. You look happy. It really, really suits you." —
Really needed to post this right now. This is the only thing that ever helps me get even a little bit into wise mind about how I look. (via foreveralotus)
I like to imagine this is what I’m like now, or how other people see me now - even if it is a little vain. But all of those details -from the darting eyes and unrelenting seriousness, to the physical aspects of my ED and the distorted view that “healthy” was synonymous with “fat” as if fat was the greatest evil- are spot on. This is how I was.
And now, I can relax. I don’t feel guilty for not jiggling my foot about in a vain attempt to burn calories because, according to the grim pro-ana territory of the Internet and standard weight loss sites aimed at impressionable and desperate women like myself, you could burn up to 800 calories a day by simple fidgeting!WOW!
I can laugh now, it’s not forced. It’s genuine because I am alive and I appreciate that and the air in my lungs and the food in my stomach making it all possible. I’m no longer unhappy.
Healthy does suit me and I embrace it wholeheartedly.
I really wanted this on my main blog too
looking at old pictures was never a good idea
srsly though how can I make lots of money this year I need to study abroad :’(
money on my mind, money, money on my mind